Counselling & Psychotherapy - is it for me?
Common problems that can be addressed through counselling & psychotherapy...
|
Many people are turning to psychological help these days, and counsellors and psychotherapists offer a wide variety of approaches. Most of these therapeutic approaches have been shown to have some positive effect, but in a rather unspecific and haphazard way. Nobody quite knows why and how it works (or even when and whether). It is, therefore, understandable that the layperson is reluctant, confused or overwhelmed by the many options. It is likely that you will have heard about somebody else's good experience with counselling or therapy before you consider taking it up yourself.
I've written this introduction to give you some basic information about the options and to help you orient yourself. The days when therapy was restricted to those with defined or diagnosed 'mental health problems' are long gone, and now many clients come to therapy for what might be considered normal everyday problems.
Different aims require different methods
Different therapies are suited to different problems and client situations. Depending on what your reasons for considering therapy and what your goals are, the kind of therapy and the kind of therapist you choose may significantly effect the outcome and success. There are therapies that are suited to working more deeply, to deal with extreme states or intense feelings. There are others that are much better suited to working short-term or aimed at increasing one's fulfilment or engagement in life.
The field of therapy is fragmented = one approach to the exclusion of others
The problem in the counselling and psychotherapy field is that to a large extent you still can't have your cake and eat it: the nature of the profession still is that in most cases you end up going with one approach to the exclusion of many others. This is not ideal, but it is a reality. Some practitioners will tell you that their approach deals with everything - all problems and all kinds of clients. To some extent this may be true.
But it is also true that each approach has its strengths and weaknesses - otherwise why do so many exist and continue to be practiced? There would be no need.
And it is also true that most practitioners do not actually have sufficient inside knowledge of other approaches to realistically appreciate the 'competition'. Nobody can be completely without bias in this, and I won't pretend to offer this. But one of the basic commitments I bring to my practice is to help you choose from the wide spectrum of possibilities the approach that is suited to you.
Misgivings about therapy
It's often a crisis that sparks people to consider taking up therapy, and sometimes the best course of action is to deal with it quickly and get through it. But often the current crisis is only a symptom - a manifestation of a deeper, ongoing issue. For many potential clients, it is not uncommon that problems have been dragging on for years: they just assumed that nothing can be done about it, or that it's normal. Some people feel that they'd be attention-seeking or making a fuss. As I mentioned earlier, sometimes hearing about a good counselling experience from somebody else is necessary to overcome these obstacles and misgivings.
Prejudices and criticisms of therapy
But the field of counselling and therapy has contributed itself to people hesitating and procrastinating. As I indicated above, there are so many contradictory therapeutic approaches that the lay-person cannot possibly make an informed decision. Also, other helping professions have cast aspersions and criticised therapy, sometimes with good reason. Some of what goes on under the name of counselling and therapy is ineffective, or worse: damaging practice. So if you are considering therapy for yourself, all of this should make you wonder.
Some dangers of therapy are inherent in the nature of the work
But the - partially justified - misgivings about counselling and psychotherapy need also to be put into context: any profession who seeks to really help people deal with psychological problems, needs to tackle basic human vulnerabilities. This has its dangers and can be exploited. In the course of my practice I do hear stories of clients who have been - or at least feel they have been - let down or damaged by therapy, and it behoves our profession to acknowledge this. We can then think about how we can address and deal with the dangers that are necessarily inherent in psychological work. As a general rule, the more pain and trauma lies at the root of somebody's problem, the more dangerous and risky it is to tackle this problem, however benign, competent and skilful the practitioner.
When can therapy be helpful?
Varieties of client situations...
|
You may be seeking help for a variety of reasons, whether it is an immediate crisis that is causing you distress, or a long-term problem that just does not seem to improve, or the recognition of destructive patterns which keep repeating themselves.
You may be in severe emotional and/or mental pain and afraid of losing control or damaging yourself or others, unable to function in your life. Or you may be seeking personal development, and feel you need support to access more of your potential and to stretch yourself beyond your current routine and identity.
You may feel overwhelmed by emotions or physical symptoms, or - at the other extreme - experience life as rather devoid of meaning, passion or vitality.
You may have a very clear idea of what you want to get from therapy or you may know nothing more than that you want some sort of independent, unbiased help or support.
You may have had previous experience of counselling or therapy, and - based on this - you may on the one hand be confident and optimistic about engaging in therapy again. Or, on the other hand, you may be reluctant, wary and suspicious.
Why counselling or psychotherapy? And what is it ?
Counselling and psychotherapy can be helpful in all of these circumstances. A therapist provides a neutral, but friendly confidential space for you to bring your emotional and mental problems and get professional, individually-tailored help with them. As indicated above, what constitutes a 'problem' can be seen to cover a wide range of issues in life - some people feel they can't properly function in life without therapy, for others it is a 'luxury' they afford themselves in order to turn mere surviving into a sense of living fully.
The image of counselling and psychotherapy created in the media is sometimes not accurate and often misleading. The idea that therapy is mainly or only for people with mental health problems is a few decades out of date.
So the questions we need to consider are rather:
do you need it? do you want it?
will it be worth your investment of time and energy?
will it work for you, at this stage in your life?
The answers to all these questions, of course, depend on your notion of just how much difference to your life therapy can possibly make. That depends, in turn, on how effective a particular therapeutic approach is for your issues, or what combination of methods we can bring to bear on them. And as we will see, amongst all the approaches on offer, that can be hard to judge for yourself before you have experienced it.
What exactly does therapy offer ?
The many faces of therapy - the many faces of 'self'
Varieties of therapy space...
|
Therapy - something even better than expert advice ?
A common assumption in the media and in the public is that the client pays the therapist for expert advice and treatment, much as they would pay their doctor or lawyer. This is undoubtedly a valid expectation, and if that is all the client wants, the therapist is ethically bound to deliver what is being asked for.
However, in the domain of psychological experience, this may not be the only or most effective way that the client can make use of what in the jargon is called the 'therapeutic space'. So in order to be effective, and often profoundly so, the therapeutic space needs to adjust to the emotional needs of the client, and this can take a great variety of forms. In practice then, client and therapist may 'co-construct' the 'treatment' according to the client's psyche, and this way of 'doing' therapy may prove to become much more effective in the client's experience of life than conventional 'treatment'. For example ....
Varieties of 'therapeutic space' ...
Many people need solid, reliable and consistent emotional support which does not gloss over problems, but allows space for feelings to be experienced and thus to resolve themselves. For people who are disturbed by traumatic experience or afraid of intense feelings, there are not many places in our culture which help us face, confront and deal with what may be 'primitive' and raw emotion. To provide this kind of space - if that is how you do feel - is one possible purpose of therapy.
Many people bring relationship problems and want to look at their own part in difficulties around intimacy, commitment and sexuality. Some people find that their weekly therapy hour is like an anchor and a focus that gives a sense of direction and development to the rest of their week - through therapy they get a sense of where they are going. It can be a space for exploration and experiment, for creatively widening your horizons and belief systems, for expanding into your full potential.
For others therapy is like a still point in the storm, a safe space for sanity and reflection in a busy life full of activity and external demands. For others it is a powerful tool for dealing with inherited or acquired self-defeating and self-destructive patterns which usually operate below the threshold of consciousness and require a process of deep change rather than superficial adjustment - this could include addictions, self-harm, obsessions and many other forms of repetitive 'driven' distress. For some, therapy is a space for engaging with existential questions of meaning, values and purpose and spiritual concerns.
Throughout all this runs an engagement with 'self', with who you are, your identity, personality and 'being in the world'. Your sense of self is what ties all of the strands together as 'you' (however you experience and define that) - your sense of self is the common factor in all the issues and explorations. The Greek maxim 'Know Thyself' has become an ever more complex conundrum in the modern and post-modern world, but it is still at the heart of any approach which addresses our suffering and deepest pains, our existential questions and our dreams, potential and aspirations.
Which therapeutic approach is 'right' for you?
If you think you need or want therapy and have decided to give it a try, the next complication is that - actually - counselling and psychotherapy is not at all a homogenous field, but consists of a multitude of approaches and schools and orientations. Which one will be right and helpful for you, and what will it require of you?
Do you have to fit into therapy, or does therapy fit you?
There is too much therapy which - by following a textbook routine - requires the client to adjust to the therapy and to co-operate with its logic and requirements. But clearly therapy needs to be tailored to you, to your specific needs and situation. By taking an integrative approach, which draws at least from a variety of approaches, I will endeavour to provide a therapeutic space which is flexible and congruent with you, your needs and your position and journey in your life. I have attempted to provide some accessible and basic information describing the many therapeutic approaches.
Not just in the mind ....
One particular bias inherent in traditional therapeutic approaches is its emphasis on talking - psychoanalysis initally was nicknamed the 'talking cure'. But verbal communication is only a small part of our experience, and sometimes the most superficial. If we want therapy to reach down into the origins of our pain or access the full range of our potential, we cannot restrict ourselves to thinking and talking, insight and understanding only. Sometimes these channels of communication are necessary and helpful, but often they do not do justice to the wholeness of the person, including body, feelings, imagination and mind. Over the last few decades, some psychotherapists have tried to balance the bias towards thinking and talking, and Body Psychotherapy especially has tried to re-include the otherwise excluded body as one important aspect of an approach oriented towards wholeness.
Further information...
There is further information on this website:
- some basic information on finding and choosing a therapist
- some questions to consider before an initial meeting with a therapist
- some basic information explaining the many therapeutic approaches available
- a detailed description of my own integrative approach and the wide range of therapies this includes and draws from
There is further information on the web:
information on finding and choosing a therapist
- BACP (British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy) - try this page for information
- UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy) - try this page for information
- UK Directory for counselling and psychotherapy - try this page for information
- for Body Psychotherapy - try this page for information
Further information in books:
- John Rowan (1983 first ed.) The Reality Game
- Robin Skynner, John Cleese, and Bud Handelsman (1993) Families and How to Survive Them (Cedar Books)
- Robin Skynner, John Cleese, and Bud Handelsman (1996) Life, and How to Survive It
John Rowan, "The Reality Game" |
Robin Skynner, John Cleese and Bud Handelsman Families and How to Survive Them |
Robin Skynner, John Cleese, and Bud Handelsman Life, and How to Survive It |
|||
Psychotherapy - how does it work?
It certainly involves patience ...
I am preparing a piece of writing offering a light-hearted look at the many misconceptions surrounding therapy. Because, after all, you have a right to know what you are signing up for. However, there is something inherently elusive and paradoxical about therapy - if you want it to work, you mustn't pin it down too tightly. It needs to move and adapt and be responsive to the the actual person, their individual reality, their particular suffering.
Watch this space ...
What is the difference between counselling and psychotherapy ?
What is the difference between coaching and psychotherapy ?